viewing life from a medicine wheel.
Well, it's happened. A good day. They don't happen often. I don't know how to contain myself, and I know it won't last, so I'm just basking in the glow for now. These are the days that make all of the others bearable. We started off the day having some quick sex.(I mentioned my upset demeanor about last night just like I said I wouldn't.) I didn't do it in a make-her-guilty way though, just kinda a hinting way. Then we went down to Hovey Lake today to view an archealogical dig site. It was pretty neat, but I'm not going to change my major or anything. They were digging up some old ?Indian? community and they were really excited because they believed that they had found a palisade wall and that would tell them that they had enemy neighbors. Kinda boring really, but their excitement was a little contagious. I made a mental note to come back to this place because it looks like it would be an AMAZING place to go kayaking. It's flat water, but there are a lot of neat place to explore. Crystal was in a great (for Crystal) mood the whole time. Holding hands with me, hugging me, and walking arm in arm the whole time (except when chasing kids prohibited it of course). The kids were horrible the whole tme. Actually just Sissy (Adeline) and Keith (Bubba). Lyn, poor thing, had to suffer in boredom because they other two were being so bad I just had to corral them all to keep track of them. That's all I needed was for one of them to break some thousand year old pot or something. Anyway, poor Lyn. She's my oldest and will be 8 in January; and nothing makes her happier than bugs and rocks. Ya, an archeologists dream child. She wanted nothing more than to be able to just jump in the hole with those people and learn anything they had to offer. She's so smart it's scary sometimes. I'm so proud of her, but I know in about 5 years she's gonna be smarter than me and is going to completely overrun me. Oh well, I'll try to raise her right at this age and hopefully she'll take it easy on me. I felt bad for her though, I hate for her to miss out on things. If Crystal was better able to deal with things I would've asked her to take Sissy and Budda to one of the other holes or something and I would've gotten down with her and tried to teach her whatever I knew. Well, not exactly down, 'cause I was wearing new jeans and a new shirt and wouldn't have wanted to get them dirty, but I would've squatted at any rate. Then we watched some guy chip arrow heads out of obsidian using a shank of deer antler. That was pretty neat and all I could think was how much my dad would love to learn how to do that. He's the hobby man and tries to learn how to do everything like that. There's volumes to be written about him, but I'll wait until life prompts me to do so before I write them. Anyway, as we were leaving one of the ladies there told us that there was some Indian Summer Festival going on down at a place called Angel Mounds. I could see in Crystals eyes that she really wanted to go, and she was still in an awesome mood, so who am I to screw with that? We went.
I forgot to mention that on the way to Hovey Lake we got a flat tire. Normally an innocuous event, this turned into a nightmare. Crystal and I got out and tag-team changed it using the doughnut tire in her trunk; only to find out that it wasn't even the correct doughnut for the vehicle. We got out again and put the flat back on and attempted to drive to the nearest town - flashers going - 10 miles an hour - on a flat. The next town turned out to be 7 miles away and I knew we couldn't get there without ruining the rim so I psyched myself up to walk for a replacement tire. We made it about a mile and then pulled over. We took the flat off again and tied a leather belt to it that we found in the trunk. I draped a shirt across my back to keep from ruining the shirt I was wearing, hoisted the tire over my shoulder and got to walking. The entire 6 mile trip only took about 20 minutes because two nice people picked me up almost immediately and drove my me to the tire shop and back. That was awesome. I'm glad the world hasn't become such a scary place that people will avoid helping a person obviously in need. That reaffirms my faith in humanity, a little.
So we go to Angel Mounds. It turnes out to be a fairly large craft fair for indian beads and such, as well as an Indian drum chorus with some indian dancers in ceremonial garb. Crystal had a blast. Her great-grandmother was full-blooded cherokee or something like that, and Crystal really got into her "culture". Being British/English myself I've never really understood the whole culture thing, but she was really into it. She wants to learn about indians now, like the meanings of animals and medicines and such. I know I like the music. There was something about those drums that your could just feel; and coupled with the old men singing the way indians do, it was like some kind of guttural, collective-unconcious thing. It was really cool. We even went to the music store after we left and bought a cd of indian music and listened to it going down the road. I like it. Anyway, I ended up spending about 40 bucks buying Crystal a few bracelets, a necklace, and a sticker of a medicine wheel for her car. All containing turtles of some sort. Crystal loves turtles and lighthouses; those are her things. She loves to buy things, and I love to make her happy, so it's win/win for everyone. She told me, when we were leaving, without prompting, that I was her soul mate and how much she loved me and needed me. She said it was because I accepted her, with all of her flaws and problems, and love her any way. That made me feel really good, but it scares me at the same time. She's ground me into the dirt so many times that I'm scared to get me hopes up that this time will be "real". I've wanted it so bad for so long that it's almost become my holy grail. Maybe, because she's actually getting help, this time it can be real. I hope. The kids were awful still, even Lyn this time. (Probably because she was mad about not getting to play with the mud and the rocks.)
We went to the mall after we left there so Crystal could look at engagement rings. She wants to get re-remarried, soon it seems by the way she was acting. That makes me just a little nervous. I'd like her to be well before I ask her to make that commitment/accept that commitment from her because I don't want to get divorced again. I'm against divorce, personally, and having done it three times already I feel like a big enough hypocrite; no need to compound that. Not to mention the fact that having to divorce her again would crush both me and the kids. I'd like to be safe and smart for all of our sakes. The kids continued to be demons. At least they're consistent. On the way home I told her that she would have to write hand-written letters to Kiet and Ricky telling them about us getting re-re-married and to never contact her again. Ricky is just some nobody she writes to in California as near as I can tell, but their letters seem to be the relationship-just-getting-started-flirtatous kind so I'm a uncomfortable with that whole situation. Kiet is a different matter. He is the guy that she has cheated on me with in both marriages, and was the direct cause of my filing for divorce in the second marriage. He's in the Army and is currently in Walter Reed hospital because he was injured in Iraq. A truck rolled over on him. Obviously not good enough because he's in Walter Reed instead of a box. Bitter? You're damn right. Anyway, this guy is like head over heels in love with Crystal and has been for about 5 years or so. It's actually obsessive because they've only seen each other face to face like three times in that whole span, all of which they slept together. She's strings him along for whatever reason and he just keeps hanging on. I'm not even totally convinced a hand-written letter will cure this situation, but it's something that has to be tried. Anyway, she wrote both letters tonite and tomorrow I'm going to mail them. Hopefully there isn't any other guys in the picture, but only time will tell.
Now I feel it necessary to mention that Crystal's mother, Cindy, is a lying, decietful, manipulative C#$T; and I reserve that "C" word for only the most special of cases. I'll go into more detail on her later also, 'cause I'm starting to get tired.
The day ended as well as it started. We had some kinky, slightly rough, marathon sports sex and then browsed E-Bay together looking for engagement rings. She started to get a little maniacal like she does when she doesn't take her medicine, so I asked her to take it and she did. I got a little worried because the last time she got like that was when we were in Maryland visiting my parents. It ended with a huge (about an inch and a half long and about a quarter inch deep) slash in her left arm. I was really proud of her that she took her medicine so easily for me though. I wish I could catch her that early into a manic episode everytime. She of course passed out shortly after, but that's ok; after a day like today she deserves a little rest. I love her and days like today just enhance that further; I just hope that that love, and my wishful thinking, don't lead me into the shredder again. I still think it's worth the risk, as crazy as that seems; even to me.