...or how my ex-wife is making me nuts.
My ex-wife lives with me. I mentioned that in my previous post, but i did not mention her name. As this post is about her I'll do that now. Her name is Crystal. Crystal is the mother of my children, the woman I married twice, the woman I love and the woman who is going to completely drive me crazy. We were married for 6 1/2 years the first time and we treated each other like pure crap. I acted the way I did because I was young and an a@#hole; I thought she acted that way for the same reason. Turns out that assumption was so far from the truth that now I wish it were the truth. As is well known, time and maturity overcome the a@#holes in most of us and it was no different for me. I stopped lying, stealing, and running around on my wife about five years ago and haven't looked back. I like myself now. No dealing with guilt or patching rips in my tangled web. I like it, and me, now and I thought, "OK now we can have a good life. Wrong. She kept on acting the same way. I thought, "OK she's bitter and angry at me, understandably, I'll take my licks, make my penance, and then we'll have a good life." Wrong again. Five years and two divorces later I'm still wrong. She hasn't changed, and she may never change. I know this now not because of the history (although any idiot could've figured it out from the history), but because of the DSM-IV. Why you ask? Because in the past year she has been in a mental hospital 3 times. Because she has tried to kill herself at least four times that I know of. Because she hears a voice named "Lilly". Because she sees things. They've diagnosed her as Borderline Personality, Bi-Polar, and severely depressed. Which is why she lives with me. I don't want to take custody of the kids because they love her and she loves them. I don't want her dead or committed because I love her. So I'm doing the only thing I can until that option is also removed from me. I'm staying with her and trying to get her help. It's really hard. Every day since she started her new regimen of medicines it's the same thing. I wake up in the morning to her furious at me for something I said while I'm asleep. I can't help it, sleep talking is caused by stress and I have a truckload. It doesn't matter if I talk to my Dad of have an orgy with 50 girls I can't help it and there's nothing I can do about it. Except eliminate stress, but I don't see that light in the tunnel yet. Anyway, I digress. So she's furious. But after about an hour she's ok again. Until she takes her first pill. Lexapro I think it's called; an anti depressant. They say it can POSSIBLY cause anxiety attacks. Ya right, possibly. About an hour later she's bouncing off the walls and I am Satan, almost literally. At this point she's convinced that I, and everyone else, is out to get her and ruin her life. We are all the enemy. I'm patient, I'm understanding, and I'm persistent and after an indeterminant period of time she begins to calm down. A few hours later she's loving, attentive, and everything I could hope for in a wife. We talk, we laugh, we enjoy one anothers company. Most of the time we make love. Then she takes her second pill. Seroqual or something like that. It's something to help her sleep and to help break out of an anxiety attack. LOL. Break out, yeah right - when she's in the middle of one of those I'm the enemy. I can barely get near her at all, let alone convince her to take a pill. Probably poison or a control mechanism or something. So I ride it out; but once again I digress. So she takes this pill and an hour later she passes out. The ride's over for the day and I can take a rest; but damn that alarm clock goes off early, doesn't it?"